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KPSmistr
Diktator
Pridružen/-a: 21.01. 2006, 10:41
Prispevkov: 664
Kraj: Ljubljana
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 Objavljeno: 12 Apr 2006 15:22 Naslov sporočila: George W. Bush related jokes only! |
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| Citiram: |
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!" |
| Citiram: |
George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.
"You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
"You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with but a few strokes of the chalk. Saint Peter claps.
"Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!"
The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"
Bush looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George." |
_________________
Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?
Nazadnje urejal/a KPSmistr 12 Apr 2006 15:28; skupaj popravljeno 1 krat |
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KPSmistr
Diktator
Pridružen/-a: 21.01. 2006, 10:41
Prispevkov: 664
Kraj: Ljubljana
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| Objavljeno: 12 Apr 2006 15:27 Naslov sporočila: |
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| Citiram: |
George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains "I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me."
Cheney, feeling sorry for his "boss," says "Oh, they're only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," says Cheney. The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.
Cheney looks at Bush and says, "See! This guy is really stupid."
George Bush agrees. "He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead." |
| Citiram: |
| "The reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war!" - George W. Bush |
_________________
Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
Kyle: The what?
Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something? |
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Vegos
Generalmajor
Pridružen/-a: 04.04. 2006, 23:03
Prispevkov: 274
Kraj: Ljubljana, večinoma
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| Objavljeno: 12 Apr 2006 22:53 Naslov sporočila: |
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Bush umre. Pa mu sv. Peter pove da ga je preveč lomil, in bo treba v pekel. Ampak, Lucifer, zloba poosebljena nekako spoštuje dejanja GWB-ja, zato mu ponudi da si sam izbere katero kazen bo prenašal na vekov veke. Pa ga pelje na ogled. V eni sobi cvrejo Hitlerja na žerjavici, ampak Bush pravi da je to mal prehudo. V drugi sobi je Slobo v vrelem olju, pa tudi to ni preveč všeč "voditelju svobodnega sveta". V tretji sobi pa seksata Bill in Monica. Pa Bush malo pogleda in se odloči da to pa bi bilo zanj, in Lucifer uredi zadeve: "OK Monica, ti lahko greš!"
_________________
"And on the sixth day God created man. By the seventh day He´d realised his mistake. And ´BUGGER!´ was the word."
~Intro v eno flash igro |
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